Good Reads

Things have been so crazy busy since spring break, not to mention the fact that my computer died and I had to get a new one, that I haven't linked up to some great posts lately. Here are a few that have caught my eye this week.

Here's an amazing post written by the daughter of my friend, Sarah. You won't believe it when you read the post, but this sweet girl is twelve years old.

Another daughter-of-a-friend, Karen, is studying in Italy this semester. Karen is an artist and has put the most amazing photographs on her blog. This one took my breath away this week.

Jon's at it again - making me laugh. Or maybe I can relate to this post because I have to work at post-prom tonight.

You know I'm always looking for good parenting posts, and this one, a post about mothering daughters, was beautiful.

Finally, I think I forgot to mention that I did a second guest post this week. Two in a row is unheard of in my bloggy life, but I'm thrilled to have the opportunity.

So there. That should keep you reading for a while. I, on the other hand, am heading to the Community Center at 10:30 tonight to work at post-prom. I'll be sure to take notes. (!)

And the winner is . . .

Kim!!

Kim won my birthday giveaway--a $10 Starbucks gift card, a $10 Borders gift card, AND a $10 Old Navy gift card. Woo hoo! (Kim also happens to be a dear friend from college, which is fun.)

So congratulations, Kim. And thanks for reading! Your prize will be in the mail soon.

Welcome to the Hotel Grand Rapids

I think I mentioned that last weekend I went to the Festival of Faith and Writing at Calvin College. The conference was great, and I got to hear a lot of wonderful authors like Wally Lamb, Kate DiCamillo, and Rhoda Janzen. I bought way too many books and have an even longer list of books I'd like to check out of the library--enough to keep me going all summer on my beautiful back porch.

But what I haven't mentioned yet was the perfectly hellacious night that Amy and I spent in a hotel-which-shall-remain-nameless. Or should I name it? I haven't decided yet.

We arrived on a Thursday, spent the day racing from lecture to lecture, and by the time we hit the beds we were exhausted. Thursday night was fine. Even though we were in a room directly across from the elevator (which I usually don't do), we slept fine.

The next day was the same. Running around like the crazy geeks we are, listening to lectures from authors we wished we could be, and getting more and more tired by the minute. By the time Friday night rolled around, we were plumb tuckered out as they say somewhere I'm not sure where. We spent some time talking--O.K., lots of time talking because one of my best friends from college was also at the conference. So the three of us, Amy, Sarah, and me, stayed up all the way until 10, just gabbing like college freshmen over a pizza.

We're crazy like that.

Around 10:30 that night I turned out my light, put in the trusty earplugs, and fell asleep within about 30 seconds. About 20 minutes later I was awoken by a loud thumping and bumping and jumping above us. It sounded like a herd of warthogs running for the nearest mirage out in the bush.

What ensued was like something out of a bad movie. It involved me calling the front desk to ask that they tell those warthogs hooligans above us to stop it. And then Amy calling the hooligans directly. And about 45 minutes later, me calling the desk again to see whether they had actually gotten around to calling room 238 because the thumping and bumping and jumping was still going on.

I'm telling you, it was like being in the basement of the place where they taped Soul Train.

Finally, around midnight, the front desk guy, Raj I think his name was, told me that they had "one room left" on the top floor of the hotel and it was "as quiet as rooms can get."

Amy and I talked it over and realized that we had no choice. Soul Train was going to go on all night long and since we had a few more geeky lectures to attend the next day, and then had to drive four hours home, we needed to get some sleep.

And so, AT MIDNIGHT, Amy and I packed up our face cream and shampoo, along with all the clothes that were strewn about, changed our clothes and switched rooms. Not only that, I had to trudge down to the front desk to retrieve the new key! I thought the least they could do would be to bring it to me, but no, the Hotel Grand Rapids doesn't exactly treat its customers that way.

By the next morning I had worked myself into a righteous indignation. No way should that have happened. No way should WE have had to move rooms. No way should I have to pay for a room I didn't even get to sleep in or a room I had to get out of bed to move to in the middle of the night.

I wanted to gather up the chutzpa of my brother-in-law, Tom, who is the most lucky person in the world because he gets more free deals and 20% offs than anyone I've ever met. Just because he asks.

I don't have that kind of luck, but I figured I'd ask anyway, so at checkout I told Raj in no uncertain terms to look at the dark circles under my eyes and tell me in all honesty if I should have to pay for the worst night I've ever spent in a hotel. Raj said I'd have to take it up with the manager who wasn't there yet. Of course.

Later, the manager did call me, but I didn't have time to call him back what with all the nodding off I was doing during the geeky lectures I was attending. But when I got home there was waiting for me a very nice email telling me that my Friday night hotel stay would not be charged to my credit card.

Good thing, because if I didn't get my way I was going to sic my brother-in-law, Tom on them.

Guest blogging and Giveaways

Hey! I'm guest blogging over at Internet Cafe today, musing on the phrase, "God never gives you more than you can handle." Stop on over and read my thoughts. I'd love to know what you think!

And don't forget, my birthday giveaway is still going on so scroll on down and leave a comment on yesterday's post to enter. I'll pick a winner on Friday.

I'll be Bible studying and birthday partying with my friends today, so this is all I've got to give you. Go make it a good day!

Happy Birthday to Me!!! *giveaway*

It feels weird to even write this because it feels somehow self-serving and arrogant. But, hey, everyone has a birthday. They come around once a year. And this year I feel like sharing it with all of you.

First, a little story. This past weekend I went to a writer's conference at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI. I was sitting in one of the sessions by a memoirist named Rhoda Janzen (who wrote a hilarious memoir called Mennonite in a Little Black Dress), when she suddenly said, "I will be 47 next Tuesday." Well, I immediately sat up in my chair and looked with surprise at my friend, Sarah, sitting next to me because I have never in my life met someone who had the exact same birthday as me. I do have a friend who shares my birthday, but she's not the same age as me. Rhoda and I were born on the exact. same. day. Somehow I find that weird and interesting.

So anyway, I went up to her after the session and introduced myself and wished her a happy birthday. I'm sure she'll never remember me or our brief meeting, but I will. And I wonder how she will be celebrating today. I wonder if she will do something more than go to the gym, walk the dog, and do laundry.

I hope so.

Anyway, in honor of Rhoda's birthday (and mine), I've picked up a few goodies that I'd like to give away to one lucky reader/commenter. A bit of a "favorite things" giveaway, only not quite so grand as Oprah's.

First, because I love books, I'm giving a $10 gift card to Borders. Second, because I equally love coffee, a $10 gift card to Starbucks. And third, because I love clothes and because I was in the store yesterday buying some things for Maggie, a $10 gift card to Old Navy.

Just leave me a comment below. I'll give you a second chance to win if you'll follow me. (And please be sure I have your email address so that I can contact you if you win.)

I'll announce the winner on Friday, so tell all your friends to come on by!

Happy Day!

Intentional Parenting - Part 9; Intentional Prayer

As a young mom, I knew I wanted to be intentional about praying with and for my children, but I didn't know what that would look like on a day-to-day basis. I knew, and still know, the importance of prayer for my children, but it hasn't always worked out in the ways I thought it would.

As I've looked back over these "Intentional Parenting" posts, I've noticed a theme here: I'm intentional about the things that are hardest for me to carry out. Does that make sense to you? I hope so. I think that what I mean is that I sense the importance of being intentional about the things I find so hard to be intentional about.

And prayer is one of those things.

My husband tells stories of busy school mornings, hustling to get out the door like every family. In the midst of the early-morning scurrying about, his mom would stop to pray with her three sons. My mother-in-law sent her sons out the door every day protected with the armor of God, bathed in prayer.

I fear sometimes that my girls may or may not tell such stories to their husbands someday. Much to my shame, I have not been as consistent about sending my girls out the door covered in prayer as perhaps my mother-in-law did.

Some days, sure. On some good mornings, particularly when the girls were in elementary school, we would stop, huddle by the front door or in the car, and pray for their day. My intention was to help them see that at every moment, not just at mealtime, we need to turn to the Lord in prayer and that at every moment, not just at mealtimes, He hears us.

I hope that lesson has caught hold over the years as I've tried different ways to emphasize the importance of prayer in their lives.

Sadly, the habit of praying before school has gotten lost as my girls have grown. They leave the house often before I've had my first cup of coffee and, sadly, not much prayer happens before my first cup of coffee. My goal of intentional prayer has always been important to me, but it hasn't always been a reality.

No, I don't always gather my chicks around me for prayer every day, but does that mean I have failed in my goal of intentional prayer? No way. Because, for me, prayer has become an even more integral and important part of motherhood as my children have grown.

Even though I don't necessarily pray with each of them every day, I do pray for them every day and have learned to incorporate prayer for my kids into my life in different ways.

I intentionally set aside time every day to bring my daughters before God's throne because I know how important it is. I know I cannot solve their problems, dry their tears, make everything better for them . . . but He can. And He is what they need the most, so I bring them to Him every day.

What does intentional prayer look like? Well, for me, it's being in a spirit of prayer all the time. It's connecting God with my kids and my kids with God all throughout the day. And so I pray for them when I'm alone at home, washing dishes or running the vacuum. I pray when I walk the dog. I pray for them when I drive by their school as I'm doing errands.

And, yes, sometimes I pray with them when we're talking and it seems natural and necessary to do so, but I never force it. I want my girls to see that prayer is a part of all day, every day and not just some forced talking to God at certain times and in a certain way.

Intentionally praying for our children, I think, is one of the most important things we can do as parents. And intentionally teaching our children the importance of prayer will be one of the most important lessons we can pass on to them.

So I'd love to know: how do you pray with or for your children?

A Few More England Photos

O.K., I have probably about five minutes before my computer crashes again, so I thought I'd sneak on here and show you a few more pictures from my recent trip.

This is one place I always make sure I visit if I'm in London on a weekend. And if you ever find yourself in London on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday, you must--MUST--head to Borough Market. Just because I love it there so much.

I mean, really, where else can you get the world's best cheese? I tasted this Stichelton (which is really just Stilton) and . . . oh my. Mmmmmmm.



This is the Royal Albert Hall. Every Good Friday for the past 132 years, the Royal Philharmonic and the Royal Choral Society have performed Handel's "Messiah" and this year I got to be a part of this rich tradition. The audience part. But, still, it was one of the most amazing performances I have ever seen.



As we were waiting to enter the RAH, I turned around and this is what I saw . . . the Albert Memorial. Amazing. Queen Victoria built this as a tribute to her great love, Prince Albert, after his death. Makes me wonder what B is planning for me!



One thing I love about England is their signs. They just don't mince words over there.

I'm thinking this sign might be good to post in my parents' Arizona community. (Just kidding, Mom and Dad!)



And this one I just loved. I might need one for my own yard.



Here's me, smiling like a silly person, in front of one of my favorite touristy spots in London--the Tower of London. My imagination just seems to take off here as I hear stories about beheadings and attempted coups that took place right here on these very grounds.



And one more. . . . Isn't this just so pretty? This is NOT London Bridge, although many people think it is. London Bridge is a fairly non-descript bridge spanning the Thames; it looks pretty much like any bridge we have in Chicago. No, this is Tower Bridge.



I have so many more pictures and so many memories to share, but we'll have to have a cup of tea together if you want to see them all. Suffice it to say that this was a special trip with a special girl, and our memories will always be special to me.

I am . . .

blessed.

Quick Hello

Hello, my friends!

I have more England pictures to share with you. . . . I had a post all composed in my head about the Master's golf tournament last weekend. . . . I want to tell you about what I'm doing this weekend. . . .

So many posts, so little . . .

. . . computer.

I have tried three times to turn on my computer this afternoon and three times I have gotten the black screen of death (as it is called around here). We have dealt with the black screen of death before, and we haven't had a pleasant outcome.

SO, it may be a few days before the black screen of death situation is resolved. Please hang in there with me. Please come back on Monday because I have a fun giveaway to announce (which may or may not have something to do with a little birthday celebration) and . . . FINALLY . . . an "Intentional Parenting" post.

I am on the kids' computer right now, sneaking a few minutes here before they catch me and kick me off. I just miss you all and wanted to say hello.

Why don't you say hello in the comments section and let me know what you're doing this weekend. If I can tie up the children for a few minutes, I may be able to read your comments.

See you on Monday . . . I hope.

Snapshots of England

I'm back from 10 glorious days in one of my favorite places on earth. I feel like the most blessed woman in the world for being able to take this trip with my daughter.

Today I'd like to just give you a few snapshots from our trip. Even though they say a picture is worth a thousand words, these still wouldn't be enough to tell you how special this trip was.



"You can find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London, all that life can afford." Samuel Johnson

"England is a nation of shopkeepers." Napoleon Bonaparte
(Liberty of London is now at Target, but hardly the same thing.)

"Let not England forget her precedence of teaching nations how to live." John Milton

"When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London." Bette Midler

"Oh, to be in England now that April's there!" Robert Browning

"A man builds a house in England with the expectation of living in it and leaving it to his children; we shed our houses in America as easily as a snail does his shell." Harriet Beecher Stowe

"Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road; except in England where they drive on both sides of the road." Dave Barry

"And now the time returns again:
Our souls exult, and London's towers
Receive the Lamb of God to dwell
In England's green and pleasant bowers."
William Blake


"By seeing London, I have seen as much of life as the world can show." Samuel Johnson

"The only legitimate artists in England are the architects." Benjamin Haydon (English historical painter and writer, 1786-1846)

"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining." Groucho Marx

Confessions of a Show Choir Wannabe

Last night I had to admit a painful truth to my friend, Amy. I had to confess that I tried out for, but did not make, the show choir when I was in high school.

And to make matters worse, I so desperately wanted to sing and dance and wear pretty costumes that even after one rejection, I tried out again the following year, only to be rejected. Again.

So it was with some painful trepidation and a lot of baggage that I went with Amy to the area "Show Choir Showcase" last night.

Apparently this is a really big event in our community because you need an actual ticket to get in, and if you don't have a ticket you have to sit in "overflow" in the gym and watch the entire two hour long extravaganza on a teeny-tiny little television screen. Who knew?

Certainly not me.

Thank goodness for my friend who graciously offered to give me her husband's ticket so I could go watch Maggie perform. Once again, Amy saved me from coming thisclose to wearing the Worst Mother of the Year crown.

Anyway, the Show Choir Showcase is an annual event highlighting all the district middle school's and high school's show choirs. Honestly, I didn't even know Maggie was in a show choir until last night. I thought her group was the Concert Choir because that's what they call it. Silly me.

Apparently they're grooming her for bigger and better things to come, and this so-called showcase is designed to get little girls' hopes up that they, too, can sing and dance and wear pretty costumes once they get into high school.

Be careful, girls! (Not that I'm bitter or anything.)

The event was actually very fun if you like seeing middle school girls in tight, swirly dresses wearing lots of make-up and middle school boys trying to clumsily dance around on the stage. Come to think of it, it was a blast!

But the highlight of the evening was seeing the high school groups perform, and I really do mean that. They were good. Really good.

One group in particular got my attention with their rendition of a song I had never heard before--something about "Trouts and Bass." Seriously. This was an all-girls group, and after their pretty swirly dress songs they quickly changed costumes into something that Ellie Mae might have worn on "The Beverly Hillbillies." (How DO they change so quickly?) And the highlight of the song was when the girls all came out with these really huge fish pillows--yes, pillows that looked like fish (you can purchase one a Cabela's if you're interested)--and started dancing around with them.



To be honest, it was a surreal moment, especially for me with the show choir baggage. In fact, the entire evening reminded me of an episode of "Glee."

When it was all over, we all piled into Amy's car to head home, and one of her daughters blurted out, "What was with the fish?!" We all kind of laughed about how strange the fish dance was and how some of the girls probably hated that dance with every fiber of their being, wishing that the stage had swallowed them whole it was that embarrassing.

It was at that moment that I left my show choir baggage on the steps of the high school and realized that I may not have made the "team," but I may have saved myself a boatload of embarrassment in the process.

Welcome back!

Boy, I've missed you all. Have you been away?

No?

Hmmm. Must have been me.

I'm coming to you through a jet-lagged, foggy brain, so please forgive any typos or strange twists of phrase in this quick little post. Seriously, it's 11 in the morning here, and I'm not handling this well at all.

Abby and I flew back from London yesterday, crashing through the doors of O'Hare's International Terminal around 3:30 p.m. to find a very handsome man in a suit smiling at us through the crowd. Yes, my sweetie had been tracking our flight and saw that we had landed, so he left his office (which is literally right next door to O'Hare) and came to greet us.

Can I just say that after nine hours on an airplane with no sleep and very little food, there is nothing--NOTHING--like seeing the smile of your sweetie through a crowd? I was one happy girl.

We had an awesome trip, Abby and I, and I have so much to tell you about it. I think I'll spend the rest of the week writing about it (so don't bother to come back until Monday if you're not interested). There is so much to tell you and I have lots of pictures to share.

But not until tomorrow. Because I'm still thawing out from the trip (let's just say that March/early April is NOT the time to go to London). And because I'm really tired. And because I've been up since 4 this morning--I was zipping through Target at 8!--but now I'm pooped.

But, seriously, I'd love to hear from you. What have you been up to for the past week and a half?

Don't Hate Me Because I'm an Introvert

Don't you just love it when your friends, who know your issues, take an opportunity to remind you of those issues?

I mean, it's not like I don't know my issues, right? I know I wear holey socks and that my husband hates it when I do that. (I actually think that when I wear holey socks it makes him feel like he can't provide socks without holes for our family. Trust me, he can. It's just that I hate to throw anything away, especially socks, because I know that once they're in my shoes nobody can see the holes.)

I know that I tend to ask my teenage daughters too many questions--what mom of teenagers doesn't? (And just for the record, too many questions would be exactly one. One question is too many for them.)

I know that I have an irrational dislike of people who make loud, repetative noises in public and that nervous tics make me, well, nervous.

I have issues. What can I say?

But one of my "issues," if you can even call it that, has become even bigger and more glaring the older I get and the longer I'm a stay-at-home mom. Because my issue is that I've become an introvert.

Oh sure, you could probably argue that a person is born that way, and maybe I was. Looking back now I realize that I spent lots of hours alone as a child, wandering through the cornfields with a book in my hand. I mean, when you grow up on a farm, there really aren't that many people to be social with. Maybe I just didn't get enough practice being social, I don't know. I guess the difference is that when you're an introvert you don't really mind that there's nobody around to bug you.

Anyway, back to my issues and to my friend who pointed one out to me. Recently Amy sent me a quick email that said, "This is perfect for you. You'll love it." And there was a link to an article titled, "Caring for Your Introvert" by Jonathan Rauch.

Well, I'm here to tell you that love it I did. It's one of those articles that you wish you were reading with someone else in the room so you could go, "Oh, listen to this! Isn't that just like me?" That article (go click on the title above to read the full text), written by a self-described introvert, pretty much sums up yours truly to a tee.

The author describes introverts as misunderstood people who don't really hate other people, they just don't like or need to be around them that much. He says every introvert's motto is "I'm O.K., you're O.K.--in small doses."

Bwahahah. Get it? If so, you, too, might be an introvert.

I'm kind of a slow learner, though, and not all that self-aware, because I really didn't come to a full realization of the level of my introversion until a few years ago, when I was driving home from a writer's conference with my friend, Cheryl. Cheryl-the-extrovert.

She was driving (thank goodness!) and chattering on and on about how great the weekend was and about all the great people she had met and all the great conversations she had had. Everything was GREAT! And there I sat in the passenger's seat, quietly listening to Cheryl recount her absolutely fabulously great weekend.

It's not that I didn't also have a great weekend--I had. I loved every minute of it, but I realized as we drove and she talked that my tank was empty. I had had enough of talking and listening and conversing and schmoozing. I was completely depleted and had nothing left. I desperately needed to get alone for a while to recharge my batteries.

As I made this observation to my friend, she just laughed and admitted that she was completely opposite from me in that way. After being with people all weekend she was charged up, ready to go. She could have taken many more days just like that weekend and have been perfectly happy.

So, of course I had to laugh when I read this in the article Amy sent to me: "After an hour or two of being socially 'on,' we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing."

I like that formula: two hours "off" for every hour "on."

Rauch is quick to add that introverts aren't trying to be rude or arrogant, although that's how we can come across sometimes; it's just that we're playing things out in our head instead of through our mouths.

Which brings me to my current conundrum. I'm going away this weekend. On a retreat. A women's retreat. Do you know what that does to an introvert like me? It makes me want to run the other way. It makes me want to hide. It makes me want to slather myself in lotion and slide right out of the picture for a while.

Because you know women. Women like to talk (so do some men I know, but that's another post for another day). Most women, I would venture to say, are extroverts. And introverts like me make extroverts like most women kind of nervous.

I think they think we're weird. Or worse, as Rauch points out, aloof or arrogant.

But we're not. We just need a little more time alone so that we can actually muster up enough energy to spend time with the rest of you. Talking. And listening. And socializing.

But here's the thing. I am excited about going on this retreat because of some of the great women I'm going to be able to spend time with. I'm going to suck it up, that need to be alone, and I am going to socialize. I'm going to talk. And I'm going to listen. And I'm going to try with everything that is in my to NOT come across as aloof.

Even though I'll be counting down the hours until I can be home again. Safe in my little haven. With people who understand my need to just be quiet. And alone. Blessedly alone.

Come Monday.

You'd think that after 25 years of marriage we'd be better at it

“So how was your Valentine’s Day?” my sweet friend Meghan asked me this week.

I had to laugh. Sort of. And then I told her the truth.

Truth which actually started last Wednesday—the Wednesday before Valentine’s Day—when B called me from work. “So, do you want to go out for dinner this weekend?”

My mind was thinking, Are you crazy? This is Valentine’s weekend. We’ll never get a reservation.” But instead my mouth said, “Are you crazy? This is Valentine’s weekend. We’ll never get a reservation.”

And then nothing happened until Friday when B called me from work again and said, “So, how do you feel about eating a little early tomorrow night?”

“What? Like as in 4:30 when the old people eat?” I said.

“Nah, not that early. How about 4:45?” That B. He’s such a kidder.

And me? I’m too honest for my own good.

“No,” I said. “Basically, no. We’ll be done with dinner by 6 and then we’ll have to go back home to the kids and that won’t be fun at all. Nope. Not gonna do it.”

So we talked about it a little more and decided that we’d go out the next weekend. When all the Valentine’s Day losers go out to eat.

So then Valentine’s Day came, and, frankly, I was pretty excited because you know what happened last Sunday.

The Olympics.

When our neighbor, Nancy Swider-Peltz, Jr. was skating in the 3000m women’s speed skating competition. And I really wanted to see it.

But there was this little matter of a meeting I had at church that afternoon. And then another matter of Nancy’s skate being postponed by a couple of hours. And the DVR recording that didn’t happen. And then another matter of a hockey game that was on when I got home. Well, and if I’m to be completely honest here, which I most certainly am, there might have been a little bit of a hormonal matter going on too.

And before I knew it the Blackhawks were in a shootout and Nancy skated and our DVR had not recorded it and I missed the whole thing. And I was kind of . . . oh . . . mad.

But I held it in. For a little while. Until B asked me what was the matter and, silly me, I had to be completely honest and blame hockey, whose fault it certainly was, which made him mad and so we were both mad for different reasons, both, I think, hormonal.

Children huddled in the basement. Dogs whined. Voices were raised. It was an ugly, ugly scene.

All over . . . what? I can’t even remember.

The next day we talked laughed about it, realizing that we couldn’t even really remember why we had had a huge fight on Valentine’s Day. We couldn’t even remember the last time we had had a huge fight. It’s all just so silly.

So, yes, we’ve been married for almost 25 years (June 1 is the big day—you can start your planning now), and we still fight every now and then. Over some really important things.

Like hockey.

And Valentine’s Day.

So, how was YOUR Valentine's Day?

Happy Birthday, Kate!

Dear Kate,

Happy birthday, my sweet girl! Since we're not together today, I thought I'd send you a little note via my blog.

You're 18 today--does that make you a real adult? I mean, I know you can vote and all (we've certainly talked a bit about that lately), but are you ready for the rest?

College? (I know you're ready for that!)

Jobs? (You already have one.)

Marriage? (Now, hold on there.)

Kids? (Alright, stop it now!)

You may not be ready for all of it, but I know you're ready for your next big step. I have watched you grow from the curious little girl into the still-curious young adult you are today. I have seen your many haircuts over the years (you do a much better job at choosing a hairstyle for yourself than I did) and your many experiments with fashion.

Most of all I have seen you grow into the beautiful woman you are today. Your bright smile, your cheerful hello, your wise words, and the way you encourage everyone around you all point to the true beauty that is inside of you.

Kate, my dear, I love you more than you will ever know. And even though we are not together on your birthday today, I hope you know I will be thinking of you every minute.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." Proverbs 31:30

Love,

Mom

My Daughter's Heart

It was about 8:15 one night last week. Cold. Dark. Dreary.

I remember because I was irritated that the doorbell should ring at that hour, frustrated by the interruption into my quiet evening.

The little boy who stood there didn't say anything at first, a lost, confused look spread across his face when I answered the door.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Ahhhh. . . . This isn't it," he quietly answered more to himself than to me; his big, brown eyes peering up at me, needing some reassurance.

"What isn't it?" I replied.

"AJ's. This isn't AJ's house," and he looked around to see if perhaps my neighbor's house looked familiar. It didn't seem to bring the relief he was looking for.

Not more than nine or ten years old, the little boy wore a jacket that seemed much too thin for a cold night like that. He had no hat. No gloves.

"AJ?" I must have looked puzzled. "There isn't an AJ in this neighborhood," I quietly told him. "Where do you live, honey? It's really cold out here."

Those big, brown eyes darted up the street and his little hand pointed toward some apartments a few blocks away. I suppose that was where he lived, but I couldn't be sure because he quickly said, "AJ told me this was where he lived. . . . Huh." And he shrugged and turned away.

I called to him, "Do you need some help?" but he just walked toward the sidewalk where his bike was lying on its side; he picked it up and rode away.

Maggie stood back, away from the conversation at the doorway, but observing all the same. A few minutes later, after I was snuggled back on the couch underneath the blanket I had been wrapped up in, but still not comfortable in my soul, Maggie came to me with tears in her eyes.

"Mom," was all she said before she melted into my arms, crying for the little boy lost.

"I know," was all I could say. And then, "Maggie, there's nothing we can do for that boy right now except pray for him. Let's pray for him." She nodded and cried and clung to me.

And so we prayed for that nameless little boy. We prayed he'd be safe. We prayed he'd be warm. We prayed that he'd find his way home, wherever home was for him. We prayed that he had two parents who loved him. We prayed he'd find Jesus.

As my daughter held me tightly and cried for the lost, I caught a glimpse into her heart. And I loved it even more.

Intentional Parenting - An Introduction

I'm out of town this week, so for those of you who might be new to my blog, I thought I'd re-run the introduction to this parenting series I'm currently running. I'd love to read your thoughts about it in the comments section.


**Word of warning: this post is long. I hope you'll think it worth your time.**

A few years ago a friend told me, “You are the most intentional parent I know.” At the time it knocked me off me feet. It was a true compliment, and I was honored to receive it, yet it humbled me somehow.

What did she mean by intentional? How did my parenting style differ from hers or that of our friends?

I have spent a lot of time thinking about that comment over the years and thought it might be helpful, both for me and for you, to explore what it means to be an intentional parent. As a result, I am going to do a series of posts called “Intentional Parenting” that I’ll put up here every-other Monday for a few weeks. I think this will help me clarify my thinking about this topic, and maybe you’ll catch a parenting idea or two that will be helpful for you.

Let me say right off the bat that for me to write about parenting is kind of like Sarah Palin calling herself an expert on Russia. Sure, she lives near Russia—rumor has it she can see Russia from her house—and as governor of Alaska she probably had some interaction with the country. But does she have a Ph.D. in Russian history or U.S./Russian relations? I don’t think so.

Same with me. I live with kids. I’ve been a parent for 18 years or so, so I’ve had a little experience. But an expert I am not. My degrees are in English, not Child Psychology. So please don’t think that I have all the answers.

Let me also say that I don’t have perfect kids. I used to think people who wrote about parenting must really have it all together and, more than that, they must especially have kids who never misbehave, who never talk back, and who never harbor bad attitudes. Their families probably have devotions every morning before school and then again every night at dinner.

That is so not us. I’ll just leave it at that.

All I have done is a lot of observing and a lot of thinking about parenting over the years, and I guess I’m just as qualified as anyone to have some opinions on the matter. To me, the issue of parenting is so important that it’s critical to never stop working at it and to never stop striving to get better and better.

So here we go.

What is intentional parenting? That’s the question I’ve asked myself so many times since my friend complimented me. What does that mean? I think I’ve come up with a few ideas.

Have a plan.

Intentional parents think about the results they’d like to see in their kids and then think about how to accomplish those results. Really, the “how” piece will look different for everyone. God has given us all different personalities and children with different personalities, so why would we assume that parenting by a formula would work the same for everyone?

Over the years, B and I have done a lot of thinking about what kind of people we’d like to see our children turn out to be and what we need to do, as parents, to help our kids become those people. For instance, we really thought it was important to develop a global perspective in our kids so that they would understand God’s love for all the people of the world. Along with that, we wanted them to be aware of what missionaries do and how they live. So when our girls were very young, we decided that travel would be an important part of our family life. And we made it a goal to visit missionaries around the world whenever we could.

We started saving Frequent Flier miles when our girls were very young, hoping that some day we would have enough miles to visit our friends who are missionaries in Brazil. Finally, in 2004, we had accumulated enough miles for three tickets and we had saved enough money to purchase the other two. We obtained passports for everyone in the family, and we finally realized our long-held goal to take our kids to visit some missionaries.

That trip changed us all. It gave us a different perspective of the world, and it gave us a much greater understanding of what missionaries do and how they live. It was, simply put, amazing, and we still talk about it today.

Intentional parenting means that we focus on why we do what we do rather than how we do what we do.

Why did B and I think it was important to take our girls to Brazil? It wasn’t just a “let’s see the world” trip for fun. We wanted them to see people who were different from them, people who lived in much different circumstances from us, so that they could see that God loves all of His children and that the people of Brazil need a Savior just as much as the people of Chicago.

We also wanted them to see the greater needs of the world so that they would begin to develop a heart for the poor. In Brazil, our friends took us to visit a family who lived in a favela, which is basically a slum area. The homes are made of cinder block, stacked one on top of another up the side of a mountain. These people have no heat, no running water, no indoor plumbing. The conditions are deplorable, yet the family we met was so happy to welcome us to their home. They smiled broadly as we sat on the sides of their bed (the only place to sit in the home), learning more about them and their culture.

It might be difficult to take your children into such a situation to see people living in such awful conditions unless you first talked about why you were doing this. How you get there is easy—it’s the “why” piece that is important.

Intentional parents are proactive, not reactive.

By this, I mean that intentional parents look ahead at what’s coming. They think about how a situation might affect their child and develop a response before it comes up.

Not that I’d know anything about this, but curfew might be a problem in some families with teenagers. Once a kid gets her driver’s license she might want to stay out later with her friends, pushing her parents’ resolve to get their daughter home safely at a decent hour.

Intentional parents decide long before the “curfew talk” comes up what time they want their child home and . . . here’s the important part . . . why. In our house, our daughter’s curfew is a little earlier than her friends’ curfew. We simply shrug our shoulders and tell her that nothing good happens after midnight and because we want her home safely she needs to be home when we tell her. It’s for her safety.

Could things escalate into a huge argument? Sure. But the chances of that happening are much greater if a kid senses his parent waffling, unsure of what they should do. Intentional parents have thought through the issue and are proactive, not reactive when stuff like this comes up.

Over the next several weeks I’m going to share some of the areas that B and I have thought it important to be intentional about. Some of these might really resonate with you; others might not. As parents, you have to decide for your family and for your children what you deem important enough to be intentional about. Just as personalities are different, families are too, so what might be important to my family might be entirely different to yours.

Whatever the case, I’d encourage you to start thinking through some of the areas you think are important enough for you to be intentional about as a parent. And if you’d share these in the comments I’d be especially grateful. I’d love to know what you’re thinking!

If you give a college kid a trip to England . . .

. . . she'll fall in love with the country.

She'll leave a piece of her heart there and feel a profound need to go search for it every couple of years.

She'll probably want to take her husband there someday, hauling around backpacks and staying in Youth Hostels as a way to save money before they have children.



She'll read books that take place there.

She'll peruse travel websites regularly, just to get a feel for what's going on there.

She'll bore her friends to death with her talk of her beloved country.



She'll take her husband a second time, not staying in Youth Hostels, but castles instead.

And then she'll have children and want them to experience this place she loves so much, so she'll concoct a plan--a very special plan to brainwash her children into loving England too. (Good thing she has a really wonderful husband who goes along with this plan.)

And if she's really lucky, her kids will get to study in England someday too.



In just a couple of hours my dear friend, Amy, will pull into my driveway. I will lug a big suitcase to her car. Amy will drive Abby and me to the airport for what I know will be a very special week together.

Since I won't be around next week, I'll post a few of my old favorites for your reading pleasure. And if you're new to my blog, maybe you'll get a sense for this wild life that I lead.

Wordless Wednesday - Signs of Spring

Intentional Travel continued

O.K., I realize that some of you, after reading yesterday’s post, probably rolled your eyes and thought, “Yeah, but travel is expensive!”

I agree. And I disagree.

See, when you make travel a priority, you begin to realize that there are lots and lots of ways to make it happen. No, it’s not as cheap as staying home, but it’s also a whole lot more fun. Staying home can be fun—if you like cleaning out closets (and if you like cleaning out closets, could you please come to my house? I have a whole bunch of closets that need some attention.). But travel is more fun.

And travel is definitely do-able if you remember these three things: Plan, Research, and Go.

Plan
Do you have a dream? Do you envision taking your kids somewhere really great? Maybe it’s to visit some missionaries like we did or maybe it’s to take them to Australia to experience the Great Barrier Reef. Whatever your dream is, don’t give it up. Just plan for it.

When we caught a vision to take our kids to Brazil we knew it was a huge endeavor. And we knew that the plane tickets alone would cost way more than we could afford to spend at that time, so we began to figure out a way to make it happen. We got ourselves a Visa card that was connected to a Frequent Flier program and we used that card for everything, including groceries.

Of course, using a Visa card for everything may not be in the best interest of some people, especially if you have a hard time budgeting. So I’m not saying to necessarily go out and spend up the Visa card—no way! But we had a budget and knew how much we could spend on stuff, and we paid off the Visa at the end of every month.

Believe me, it took years to rack up enough miles to get three free tickets. YEARS! But in those years we continued to save (we finally saved enough to pay for the other two tickets)and to plan for our trip. We didn’t give up.

After purchasing the tickets we knew we’d need to save for food expenses, passport fees, and other miscellaneous expenses while we were there. We didn’t need to pay for lodging because we stayed with our friends.

Before we knew it, our little dream became a reality and we were on our way to Brazil. And truly, that trip was so worth it (even if I did get sick and have to take massive doses of the strongest antibiotic available when I got home). Our girls got so much out of seeing that part of the world and participating in the work our friends did—they still talk about it today. None of us regret taking that trip for a second.

Research
Now, if you’re a luxury traveler, you can just shut your laptop and stop reading right here because you won’t get anything of value out of what I’m about to say. But if you’re still not convinced that you can afford to travel with your kids, read on. With careful research, you can afford to take your kids out of town, even overseas.

I’ve already talked about using those all-important Frequent Flier miles, and I cannot stress enough how important it is to be in at least one, if not two, FF programs. But it’s also important to research your program—find out other ways besides flying that you can earn miles. Sometimes just going out to dinner can earn you extra miles. Or staying in a hotel. Do a little research to find out how you can get the most out of your FF program.

Lodging can also be done cheaply if you’re willing to plan ahead and be flexible.

London is probably one of the most expensive cities in the world for lodging. It’s outrageous! But there are many deals to be found if you use hotel websites such as Priceline or Hotwire. You will have to pay for the room up front (which, to me, is a bonus because you won’t have that expense to deal with once you get home), and they usually have a no-refund policy. Once you’ve paid, you’d better go use the room because you won’t be able to get your money back.

Again, this doesn’t bother me. Other than catastrophic illness or death, I can’t imagine a reason why I wouldn’t want to go to the greatest city in the world.

For my upcoming trip to London, I got my hotels through Priceline and Hotwire. The first place we’re staying cost us only $89 a night through Priceline (I’ve stayed there before so I know the neighborhood and I know that the hotel is just fine). That same room, if booked through the hotel, would cost about $140 a night and that's even with a special they have running right now.

Travel websites often offer forums where seasoned travelers give tips to not-so-seasoned travelers. I have learned about 2-for-1 deals in London on many attractions through these forums. I’ve also learned about which museums and attractions are free. I’ve learned the best time to book train tickets when they are at their least expensive. And I’ve learned about how to find coupons for restaurants. So take some time to read a few travel forums—it will definitely be worth it for you.

Just a little research will cut down the cost of your trip substantially, helping you find some great deals. They’re out there, they really are—you just have to find them.

Go!
Now that you’ve done your planning and research, all that’s left is for you to go. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be worried that your house will burn down while you’re gone. In fact, don’t even think about your house while you’re gone.

Just go and make it a great experience for yourself and for your family.

So tell me, if you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Intentional Parenting - Part 8; Intentional Travel

The first time I traveled internationally—I mean, really traveled, not just stuck my toe over our northern or southern border—was in 1984. I went to England to study for the summer and came back changed completely. My world had opened up, and I saw everything through a new lens.

Travel became an important passion for me.

I began to understand why my grandparents, in their retirement, made travel a priority. Grandpa Earl was always planning another trip, telling “Toots,” my grandma, to get up off the couch because it was time to go on another trip. They traveled well into their 80s, until Grandpa’s kidneys failed and it became too hard to go anywhere.

When I married B, I made it very clear that travel would be an important part of our lives together. (Nothing like setting those expectations early, huh?) Honestly, I didn’t care what kind of house we lived in or what kind of car we drove as long as we had a little extra money to take a trip now and then. Thankfully, he has accommodated my whim, and over the past 25 years we’ve been to lots of great places together, and we’ve made some wonderful memories.

When we had kids we began to think intentionally about travel with them. We knew that we wanted them to see a good portion of America, but we also wanted them to experience other cultures. We had friends who were missionaries in Brazil, so when the girls were young we started saving our Frequent Flier miles, hoping to be able to take them to visit our friends. In 2004, that dream became a reality and we packed up all three girls and headed to Brazil.

To say that that trip and others we’ve taken have changed us and our kids would be an understatement for sure. Each time we go somewhere we are reminded again and again of the importance of travel in our lives.

The Benefits of Travel
One of the greatest benefits of travel, of course, would be making memories as a family. We still laugh about “Ted” the bison who made friends with our car—with us trapped inside it—during a trip to Wind Cave National Park in South Dakota. Or, on that same trip, we marveled at the grandeur of the Teton Mountains and remember wading in the Snake River near Jenny Lake one very hot day. We can’t drive through Tennessee without remembering the time Abby ate too much Easter candy in the back seat of the car, and we had to quickly find a rest area for . . . well . . . you know.

Every trip we’ve taken brings back fun and happy memories of times together as a family. We can laugh about times we’ve lost our temper with each other, knowing that those times also bind us.

Another great benefit of travel, I’ve found, is that it puts history into perspective. The first time I went to England I got a real sense that America is just a baby country compared to these great European countries. Sitting in churches that were 800 years old sure makes you realize that our 150 year old church, while pretty old by American standards, is nothing compared to the great cathedrals of Europe.

Walking where Henry VIII walked, seeing where he beheaded his wives, makes everything I’ve read come to life. And standing near the graves of some of my favorite poets and authors makes me sense that these were real people with real lives and real relationships and real emotions.

Finally, one of the main benefits of travel, to me, is that it helps me see God’s hand in the world. I distinctly remember being in England that summer of 1984, watching the faces of the people walking past me, and realizing that so many of them were lost, without hope, without God. Not that people here in America aren’t lost too—many are—but for some reason it really hit me as I was overseas how many people did not know Christ.

At the same time I also came to have a more global sense of God’s grace—He loves all of His children, all over the world. For me, it took seeing these different people to realize in a new way that He sent His son for the entire world.

What does Intentional Travel look like?
For us, like I said, we’ve made sure that we’ve traveled with our kids. We’ve taken missions trips as well as trips to Disney World (not every trip has to be educational!). We’ve traveled extensively within the U.S. and a little bit internationally (there are so many places we still want to go!).

And we found one place that we love so much we keep going back to it—Kiawah Island, South Carolina. Finding that special place wasn’t necessarily intentional, but going back to it five times sure has been. The memories we’ve created there could fill an entire book. Just this week Kate said, “I really hope that we’ll still be going to Kiawah when we’re all married and have kids of our own.”

Finally, intentional travel looks like this week, when Abby and I will pack our bags and head to England together—just the two of us. When our girls were very young we decided that when each of them turned 16 I would take them on a mother/daughter trip. Really, the trip could have been to anywhere—I just happen to have fallen in love with England, and I want my girls to experience this place I love. So two years ago I took Kate (we had an absolute blast!), and this year it’s Abby’s turn. I am so looking forward to spending some good one-on-one time with her. Plus, she had to plan a bit of the trip, so I’m looking forward to seeing the part of the country she chose to see.

I feel so passionately about travel that I think I’ll have more to say about it tomorrow. A Travel Tuesday post again!

Until then, tell me one of your favorite travel memories in the comments section. I’d love to hear about it!