Letters to my daughters: Sexual Purity
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Dear girls,
Let’s talk about sex.
I know, I know.
I know you. I know you’re rolling your eyes right now. I
know you’re thinking, “Mom, we’ve talked about this, and I’m done with it.”
I know.
But humor me for a minute.
See, last week the blog world—sorry, the Christian blog world—blew up over the
topic of purity or premarital sex or chastity or whatever you want to call it.
Lots of posts were written and, sadly, lots of flaming arrows were thrown.
I don’t want to get involved in all of that.
What I do want to do is to make sure you know what’s what
about sex. No, not technically—I’ll let you have the joy of figuring that out
on your own one day should you get married. But even though we’ve talked about premarital
sex before, and you girls know clearly where your dad and I stand on the issue,
I want to make sure you’re really clear.
Really. Clear.
Because, you see, I noticed something about the discussions
that were going on around the blogosphere last week. Many people talked about
“issues” like the “purity culture” and “shaming” and “guilt” and creating a
“theology of sexuality,” but most left out the most important place to begin a
discussion of humanity and sexuality and marriage:
The Bible.
God, as the creator of sex, has something to say about how
He’d like us to use that gift. These aren’t my rules; they’re His. And as
Creator, He has every right to make certain demands on His creation.
You know the demands. They are clearly given to us in
several places in Scripture, particularly in I Corinthians 5 and 6. Paul uses
words even I wouldn’t use—it’s a little hard to read—but it is the word of God
and we need to take care with it. There are many other places in the Bible
where God deals with the issue of sexual purity—this is just one of the
biggies.
So God’s word is clear: He doesn’t want us to have sex
before we’re married. Period.
But why? Why is this such a big deal? Especially if someone is
in a committed relationship and they plan to get married, why shouldn’t they be
free to show their love to each other?
Well, there are a few possibilities given to us in I
Corinthians 6. Our bodies belong to Christ, if we believe in Him, and He
doesn’t want us to use them in this way before we are married. I guess that’s
one reason.
Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19)—that
could be another.
But I really like the answer Paul gives in the next verse (I
Cor. 6:20): “God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your
body.”
See, He loves you so much that He sent His one and only
beloved Son to die for you. You are worth it. And because you're worth it to
Him, He wants to guard you from sins that might harm you.
This is one of those sins.
We might not understand why God has given us this command to
stay sexually pure before marriage, especially since it’s a command that seems
so difficult to keep, but we know one thing for sure: He loves us enough to die
for us. If the life of His Son was the price He had to pay for our sins,
doesn’t He have a right to request—no, demand—our obedience?
In all things, even this?
When you were little we lived on a busy street. I hated
living on that busy street because it was always such a chore to keep you in
the back yard, which was not fenced, and to keep you from running to the front
yard where you could possibly get hurt by running into the street. You would
always try to sneak away, around the corner of the house, pushing those
boundaries to see how far you could get before I caught you and made you come
back to safety.
In a way, that’s how I think it is with God and our sexual
purity.
He knows the danger to us, both physically and emotionally,
so much better than we do. He loves us enough to give us boundaries and to tell
us clearly what those boundaries are. Marriage is the boundary. Not a committed
relationship (you have no idea how many people who were just sure they would be
married ended up breaking up). Not outside of marriage. Just marriage. Period.
Now hear this, my darlings. You might mess up. You’ve pushed
boundaries all your lives, so this is one that might be particularly difficult
for you. I hope it won’t be, but you never know. But hear this: nothing is outside
the grace of God.
And nothing will keep me from loving you. Ever.
We are sinful people—“prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.”
There is not a single day of our lives that we are not in need of the tender,
loving forgiveness of our Father. Praise Him that He so freely gives it. And
know that this is not the one unforgiveable sin. There is grace.
That’s not to say that we should sin so that grace will abound. No. Our love for Jesus and His love for us should be our guiding light,
always.
Last thing. Remember this: sex is an act of the body; purity
is an act of the heart.
Work on your heart.
I love you so.
Mom
***Linking this post to Richella's Grace at Home party.
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